Tomorrow would have been my father’s birthday.  He was such a pillar in my life and was always at my meets.  Our relationship was a great one, and I miss him daily.  There was nothing worse than swimming badly and feeling that he was disappointed.  He never said it, (well maybe that one time in college when he said “well Sus, it looked like you were dying out there!”  I could have melted into a shamed ball of putty right there) but I created this disappointment in my mind.  I never asked him either-I created it.

Why is it so hard for some of us to focus on the positive in ourselves?  Maybe he enjoyed watching me swim.  Maybe he enjoyed watching me interact with my teammates.  Maybe he was proud that I showed up everyday doing something I loved.  Instead, I was always focused on NOT disappointing him.  Fear of failing.

It took me years to develop a strong since of confidence in my own self, and realize the importance of self appreciation-not putting others’ thoughts and expectations above my own.  In fact, I’m still working on it-a work in progress.  Did you show up?  Good!  Were you a good supportive teammate/friend?  Good!  Are you working towards those measurable goals?  Good!  Where does perfection come in there?  It doesn’t.  Just show up, try hard, and be proud of your own self and this path you are on to improving that self!